Well this has been coming on for a while now, seeing as all my posts are about how horrible I feel about work etc. I've finally decided to bite the bullet. Take the bull by the horns.
And I have really, truly decided to resign.
That being said, I'm scared because this is the only source of income I have. Now, since I know that I have a month's notice before I can physically LEAVE, I know I can formulate a plan for SOMETHING by then. But me being me, I need something more concrete than "I can do this". I need a written out plan I can follow no matter what happens. What leads I do have now aren't that great but at least I have them. I know. First and foremost I must follow up on all of them and find others as well. Why not right? At least I will have a few more choices than just having one. Besides, I think it's time to get my head and body in gear to working again, PROPERLY, since I haven't done that in a while, just because the job didn't require it. And I've been complacent about it. So in a way, this has also been my fault.
Now it's make it or break it time. I will see what exactly it is I am made of, how far I've come and what I have learned from all my experiences, if at all. I should give myself a little bit of a break too, since I at least see that this is a sinking ship I'm on and is not good for everyone concerned. I also don't like NOT putting out the best work I can do, and making my team suffer for it. I want of course, to give the best I can. But, I don't know. I just cannot take that place of work anymore. Great as the experience was, it is now as sour as a lemon and I cannot live and breathe and go to work there without feeling my soul is being drained, day in and day out, into an abyss of vomit. I am not myself there, and once I leave, it takes at least two hours for me to get over being there.
Just thinking about it gets me mad and irritated and frustrated. Yeah. It's time to leave.
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.
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