Thrilling Thursday

OK.  I've made it official: I've resigned from my job.  THE JOY THE JOY!!! :)

Now....the joy has been replaced with trepidation.  Fear even.  I mean, I can't wait to be well shot of this place (it really isn't THAT bad, I just don't think I'm a fit in any way shape or form anymore, nor do I want to be), but it's still scary now that the realisation of not having any sort of safety net there gets pounded into my senses.  I can't do a lot of things that I'd like, but sacrifice is good for the soul.  It's time I realise and actually DO live within my means, or be even more frugal than usual.  I will be working from home mostly anyway.

Still.  It's scary.  It's exciting YES, but I'm scared off my feet.  I know I can do this, but it's scary.  I've never done this before.  There is no security left for the next month, unless I find some sort of steady job, which at this point, I HOPE happens but will not expect it will.  There are so many things that can go wrong, and so many things that can make me lose it all. 

Then again, the other side of the coin is, I'm supremely happy.  I get to sound like a brat and say that I get to do things that I believe in, that I respect, that I WANT TO DO.  :)  Here's hoping that it will pay the bills :D

hahahahahaha!!!  Here's to freedom :)

Thirsty Tuesday

Today I'm just so tired that I will just list my 5 things I'm thankful for....

- Gatorade, nice and chilled cold!

- any nice, rice meal

- my friends

- C's and G's neverending belief in me

- resignation in going through with a decision I've made...a hard one!

Oh and I'm also thankful for dark red nail polish :)

F**K YOU By: Lily Allen :)

I love it. HAHAHAHAHAHA! :) What a cute way of saying it....:)

Reminders

"Do not fear your enemies. The worst they can do is kill you. Do not fear friends. At worst, they may betray you. Fear those who do not care; they neither kill nor betray, but betrayal and murder exists because of their silent consent. "

-- Bruno Jasienski

"Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love. "

-- John LeCarre

"Betrayal is the only truth that sticks."

-- Arthur Miller

"God defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself."

-- Proverb

“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.”

-- Audrey Hepburn

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”

-- Audrey Hepburn

"When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself."

-- Isaac Bashevis Singer

"The betrayal of people's good will, good trust that things are being done for the best and they actually ARE being done for the best."

-- Ralph Steadman

"Each betrayal begins with trust."

--Unknown

Make it or Break it Monday

Well this has been coming on for a while now, seeing as all my posts are about how horrible I feel about work etc.  I've finally decided to bite the bullet.  Take the bull by the horns. 

And I have really, truly decided to resign. 

That being said, I'm scared because this is the only source of income I have.  Now, since I know that I have a month's notice before I can physically LEAVE, I know I can formulate a plan for SOMETHING by then.  But me being me, I need something more concrete than "I can do this".  I need a written out plan I can follow no matter what happens.  What leads I do have now aren't that great but at least I have them.  I know.  First and foremost I must follow up on all of them and find others as well.  Why not right?  At least I will have a few more choices than just having one.  Besides, I think it's time to get my head and body in gear to working again, PROPERLY, since I haven't done that in a while, just because the job didn't require it.  And I've been complacent about it.  So in a way, this has also been my fault. 

Now it's make it or break it time.  I will see what exactly it is I am made of, how far I've come and what I have learned from all my experiences, if at all.  I should give myself a little bit of a break too, since I at least see that this is a sinking ship I'm on and is not good for everyone concerned.  I also don't like NOT putting out the best work I can do, and making my team suffer for it.  I want of course, to give the best I can.  But, I don't know.  I just cannot take that place of work anymore.  Great as the experience was, it is now as sour as a lemon and I cannot live and breathe and go to work there without feeling my soul is being drained, day in and day out, into an abyss of vomit.  I am not myself there, and once I leave, it takes at least two hours for me to get over being there.

Just thinking about it gets me mad and irritated and frustrated.  Yeah.  It's time to leave. 

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

(Image taken from: http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/FindingAids/dynaweb/calher/jvac/figures/j14GC-416A.jpg)

Slow and Steady Sunday

Just a quick blog today. 

I'm so happy that the event of Friday went well, and I want to thank my lovely friends who went!!  (not sure though how many of them know about this blog yet....oh well)  :)  Smashing time and great art!!!

Which means, I stayed home yesterday and hung out.  I finished 5 DVDs of West Wing, FIVE!!!  I think I started around 6pm and ended around 2 or 3am!  I couldn't stop.  So it wasn't any wonder that my dreams had me running around offices in a suit with loads of paperwork in my arms.  WEIRD.  I realised that one of the things I like about the show is that it keeps up the pace that is in the White House (or rather what we ASSUME is the pace) by doing shots that catch the cast walking and moving, hardly any shots that are stationary.  Or those that are, they're stationary for a reason. 

Whatever it is, I HEART WEST WING.  HEART HEART HEART.  :)

I've gotta go pick up some books today, IF I can peel myself away from the cocoon that is my apartment.  Ah well.  I aslo have to make a decision with resigning this week and what to do about the financial backlash I will have to endure because of it.  EGAD. 

I can do this.  I just need to buckle down and get to it. 

HAPPY WEEKEND!!!!